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Post by JR Chandler on Apr 22, 2011 17:52:03 GMT -5
"Do you know?" JR questioned, not really believing that his mother, or anyone really for that matter, who knew he was sick actually believed he was the capable man that he once was. Some people tried to be overprotective, like his mom, and worry about the small things, while others like his father tried to push him through it by increasing the pressure and pushing him through it. Both ways of dealing with his illness really just made him feel like those around him saw him as incompetent. It was a feeling he had enough of on his own and reminded him of why he had thought it was such a good idea to keep the cancer from everyone to start with.
JR let out a sigh and shook his head as he listened to his mother not even be able to say the word cancer to him. Even though she was apologizing, he couldnt help but feel defensive and angry. Even if most of his anger was actually at the cancer and not his mother, she was his current outlet. "Everything on my plate? It's cancer mom. Life threatening, nearly impossible to treat, possibly even terminal cancer. Just say it, its not like I'll forget its there if you dont"
JR looked over at Marissa as she told him not to snap at his mother and that she was worried too. "I can handle going to work just fine and still spend time with my son at the end of the day. I can decide for myself when or if I need to cut back" JR wanted control over something, anything at this point, a feeling that brought forth a craving for a drink, but he fought to keep his eyes from drifting towards the bar not wanting to look any weaker than he assumed these two were now thinking he was.
JR's mind had drifted far from the current conversation, barely picking up on Marissa's talk of a luau party, until she mentioned the coconut bras. He looked up and gave her a light smile nodding, encouraging any conversation that didnt revolve around his weaknesses right now, but still feeling on edge. "Yeah...sounds like a good idea"
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Apr 28, 2011 16:50:03 GMT -5
When J.R questioned her, sounding disbelieving and annoyed, Dixie's eyes widened in surprise. The last time she'd seen him look at her that way was when drugs and David Hayward were in the mix. The cancer was as scary as them however and she knew that. Being a patient advocate she'd seen this attitude plenty of times, but when it was coming from her own child, it left her more sensitive than usual. Leading her to apologize again, until he snapped at her again and Dixie's mouth opened slightly. Now she was looking pained in addition to taken aback. "I..." Watching J.R get frustrated with Marissa as well, Dixie wasn't even in the mindset to think about parties. Not when her son was clearly suffering, and angry, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Something that lately had her on edge and frustrated too. Shaking her head, she let out a sad sigh. "Are you kidding me? Of course I know. Knowing how, strong you can be, how hard you can fight back, that's all that's getting me through this J.R. I have to know that you're tough enough to handle treatment, and that you'll eventually beat this...cancer." She choked out, the word tasting bitter as she said it. Before all her lingering fears about her son's diagnosis, his work, his condition now, came rushing to the surface and she couldn't stop them. Her voice was low but her emotions were high enough to make her heard. "What I need to know, is that you're not just letting your pride get in the way of that strength. That the fate of Chandler Enterprises is taking a backseat to your health, and your only priority is getting well. Because I know you, honey. I know you're proud and you're stubborn...and a part of me is terrified that's getting in the way of your recovery. Making you use the office as a way to regain control, or worse yet a way to distract yourself. I'm not gonna watch you lose sight of what you have to do J.R."
Dixie said, giving him a look like she meant business. Even if J.R had been attending treatments regularly, his working constantly at a stressful job couldn't be doing him any favors. And there was no way she planned on standing by and watching J.R get complacent with beating this cancer. The way he'd said terminal to her felt like a slap in the face. She wasn't ready to watch her son die or see him resign himself to that fate. That was a near mistake that she made and no way was she gonna let her son consider doing the same thing.
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Post by JR Chandler on May 5, 2011 20:17:07 GMT -5
JR could see that his outburst was having an effect on his mother, and although part of him wanted to tell her he was sorry for snapping at her, his stubborn streak made him think that he was right in doing so and that he had to stand up for himself while he still could. "At least now you finally said it" JR said as she eventually said the word cancer. "If you know I'm strong you sure don't act like it. No one thinks I can really handle this"
When his mother mentioned Chandler Enterprises, a familiar fire went through him. "That company is my son's legacy. Its as much of a priority as anything else. Its his, and if I let it fail now...if Scott takes it over, or my dad ends up having to sell it off..or if it just goes belly up, the AJ will be left with nothing! I need to make sure he's taken care of...that he'll have something, something that will secure his future" JR could hear Adam's voice in the back of his head, sounding like his father feeling very eerie to him, and he wasn't sure if he should be worried by that, or if he was coming to the point where he agreed with his old man.
"And how can I lose sight of what I have to do? I'm showing up to the appointments..now at least, but other than that, I can't do a damned thing but sit and wait" JR said frustrated, now not at her but purely at the disease. "At least if I keep working my son will have the company left to remember me by..and maybe I can make enough of an impact in it to leave a legacy behind"
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Post by Dix C. Martin on May 7, 2011 10:40:13 GMT -5
"That's not true, baby. That's not true at all." Dixie insisted, hoping like hell J.R heard her. The last thing he needed at this stage was thinking he didn't have support or was being doubted. If that happened there was no telling how much it'd hurt his recovery. But hearing him go on and on about legacy and what A.J would be left with, all she could do was look in disbelief. In awe of how much of her ex husband was coming through in their son right now. Even though she knew he was right about the waiting, Dixie's stubbornness and frustration, plus denial over this whole situation, was in overdrive and she wasn't willing to hear it. And his last comment just about did her in.
"The company to remember you by?!" Dixie scoffed, her eyes icy storms. She knew that J.R cared about the business. But she cared about him more. And she wasn't gonna watch work consume him for however much life he had left. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm down but it wasn't easy.
"Look. I know, how much Chandler Enterprises means to you. I know how far you've gone to prove yourself there, to Adam, your investors, colleagues, everyone. I understand how passionate you are about the work you do and I'm proud of you for that. But there is certainly more to you, more to your life, and certainly more to A.J's life than one damn company. The only future you should be concerned over right now, at this moment, is your's with your son. Not the business, not the fate of his inheritance. You think your leaving behind a corporate legacy is gonna be enough for him? All that boy needs is you, and you know that better than anyone else!" She said knowingly. "And trust me, you can lose sight of what you have to do J.R. I can already tell that you are, right now. Business should not be on the same level with you as fighting for your life! You may be showing up for appointments but, if your heart's not in it.." Shaking her head sadly her voice broke a bit on the words, but she got her composure back and stared J.R down. "You promised me you'd keep fighting. I'm holding you to that promise. I'm not allowing you to break it. Not to me or to anyone else. And if that means you having to put Chandler Enterprises on hold for awhile than so be it."
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Post by JR Chandler on May 13, 2011 8:51:05 GMT -5
"Yes, the company too! Some kind of mark on the world. My father built the company from the ground up. He may not have always made the right choices in life, but people respect him as a business man. I still havent completely gained all of the board members respect. I see them doubting me...that doubt cant be passed on to their faith in AJ. I just have to show them the Chandler men are capable of all of this"
JR was getting himself worked up. He glanced over at Marissa, wondering if she'd ever see him the same after seeing this side of him. His temper, stubborn streak, and even yelling at his own mother (though he did still believe he was right, making it hard to back off). Hearing his mother say she was proud about how passionate he was about work, helped calm him a little, but didnt erase the fire inside of him.
"Maybe the company isnt everything...and yes I know AJ needs more than that from me. But that might be all I have left to give him. I may not be around to be at all his soccer games, or to see him off on his first date, or watch him graduate. But if I can leave the company strong, it will be there if I can't. At least its something"
JR was feeling tired and his chest tight as he failed at holding in a few more coughs. He still heard her words though, that she wouldn't let him break his promise and stop fighting. "I can't put Chandler on hold...but I'm not going to break a promise to you Mom, not if I can help it" He said a bit calmer.
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Post by Dix C. Martin on May 31, 2011 1:24:36 GMT -5
As J.R kept arguing and getting stubborn with her, Dixie was getting just as worked up. It took a lot to get her upset but once she was she'd spit fire til she was blue in the face. Between her and Adam it was no surprise J.R had been born a fighter. She just didn't see how fighting for a business was in the same league as fighting for one's life. With her money wasn't a priority and never had been. Unfortunately Adam's influence in this case overpowered her's. But the second J.R started coughing again, Dixie's spitfire was extinguished and guilt and concern set in. Here she was preaching at her son to go easy and she was sitting here arguing with him?
Hearing his words she nodded and reached over to squeeze his hand. "I know..I know you won't." She said, and tried to manage a soft smile but it didn't come easy to her. Glancing at J.R she let out a slow sigh and released his hand. She hated that she'd gotten him all worked up and turned their lunch into a fight. And even more she hated what they were fighting about. The words he was saying about not being around, upset and scared her and broke her heart all at once. And even though they were eating outdoors she was desperate to get some air. "You know I'm sorry, uh, I just need a second. Excuse me.", she said, her accent slipping a bit.
Getting up she grabbed her purse and walked off the patio. And cutting through the french doors to the front entrance of the club, she spotted a bench in a quiet alcove outside. Relieved, she took a seat and tossed her purse to the side, taking a few deep breaths all the while fighting back tears. She just wanted today to spend time with her son and the woman he'd come to care about. She wanted to pretend the cancer wasn't there, that her son was healthy and strong and happy and with his whole life ahead of him. Since he'd told her his diagnosis she'd done her best to do just that. Whenever she'd visit him and A.J it wasn't brought up or dwelled on. At home with Tad she never mentioned it and he knew not to. They all just found other things to focus on. Positive things, good things.
Today though when J.R started coughing, it was all Dixie could focus on. She started railing on him about the business because it was something tangible, it was something she could hold accountable for working her son up, and was something she could stand up against. She couldn't fight his cancer but she could fight him on Chandler if she had to. And right now she just wanted to fight something, help someone, do something. Anything but sit back helpless while her child was suffering. And knowing that was all she could do was killing her, at the very least leaving her on the verge of tears on a bench.
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Post by JR Chandler on Jun 12, 2011 15:28:39 GMT -5
JR looked down as his mother lovingly squeezed his hand. Immediately he felt the rush of guilt, knowing he had succeeded in upsetting her, both from his strong words and also letting her see his weakness as his cough broke through. Hearing her accent as she excused herself from the table, he knew he had really gotten to her, as it wasn't something he heard frequently.
JR let out a sigh, leaning back in the chair as he watched her walk away. He didn't know if he should go follow her and apologize or give her space. Eventually he figured he'd give her some time to herself, honestly not knowing if he had his temper in check enough that he could keep from yelling again if she said the wrong thing. He also knew he had to apologize to Marissa for what happened, sure that she must be feeling pretty uncomfortable right now.
"Marissa....I'm sorry you had to be here for that..." He said really not having a good excuse to give her to explain it away.
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