Drowning Some Sorrows (J.R)

[Dix C. Martin]

Walking into Confusion in a little black jacket. skirt and heels, deep down Dixie knew she shouldn't be here. But tonight she'd been desperate for a distraction, and figured one night dressed up at a club would do the trick.
If Joe and Ruth hadn't taken the twins for the weekend, if Kathy wasn't staying the night at Emma's, if Marissa wasn't with A.J and J.R wasn't at the office, she'd be in someone's company at the mansion.
But after Lucretia finished dinner and headed home, the residence was deserted and the last thing she was up to doing was brooding around an empty, spacious house. To this day she couldn't call the Chandler mansion a home. As far as Dixie was concerned too many horrible events happening in too perfect a space, made it the furthest thing from homey.

She ached for her house, but even if she packed her bags and moved back in tonight, the hollow feeling in her heart would follow her there, along with every memory she had of Tad. And the memories wouldn't make her feel comfortable or whole.
Of anything they'd just make the pain of his absence worse and more difficult to manage.
It was supposed to be getting easier. But as the twins reached more milestones and Kathy still struggled with her memory, Dixie felt like more and more time was slipping away and more and more drama was occurring. Those were two things she hadn't counted on experiencing, let alone without the other half of her heart.
She still felt like she was going through the motions. Getting by but not feeling much of anything, just existing but not living, at least not the way she'd hoped and planned to at this stage of her life.
Her kids were all that were getting her through, but Dixie knew it was unfair, almost wrong of her to lean on them so heavily when she was the parent. Kathy and J.R especially had been to hell and back, and the last thing Dixie wanted was unburdening and falling apart in front of them, again. She still felt guilty about doing it in the past.

So she'd come here, thinking she'd just find a quiet corner table and have a small glass of wine with the most sinful appetizer on the menu. Only once she arrived she realized quiet and small weren't exactly being offered. Before she could even take a seat a waitress made her way toward her with a large tray of colorful drinks.
"Oh what's going on? I--?"
"New specialty Fusion cosmo-tinis for the ladies, half price. Would you like one?"
"Actually I was just going to get something at the bar, but thank you though."

Making her way past the waitress and crowd, Dixie sat at the first bar stool that opened up.
"Chardonnay, please.", she ordered getting a nod. But watching the bartender reach for the bottle, she froze when she spotted the label.
"Is everything alright, ma'am?"
"Is that, uh, Orsini?"
"Well...", checking the bottle the bartender smiled in surprise.
"Yes it is. Seems like you know your wine."

"Yeah well..", blinking back tears Dixie took a deep breath, trying to get her composure back and avoid oncoming Napa Valley flashbacks.
Getting a look from the bartender, and a brunette and redhead seated a few stools over.
"Can I get you something else then? Maybe one of our specialty martinis?"

"Oh you totally have to try one. Seriously.", the younger brunette exclaimed, getting a smirk from the redhead.

"Just one? I guarantee one of our friends over there'll buy her two at the least."
Looking over her shoulder, Dixie noticed a group of men across the way and a handsome 40 something looking directly at her, smiling.
Embarrassed she turned back to the bar, right as the bartender pushed a martini glass towards her.
"Compliments of your friend."
"I..but I don't--"
"Hello there..", the 40 something greeted, approaching the bar.
"Hello."
"Is this seat taken?"
"I...um, well."
Not waiting for her answer the man took a seat next to her, leading the girls nearby to scatter, and Dixie to nervously swig down most of her drink. She hadn't counted on this.
"I hope this isn't too forward of me but, I noticed you the second you walked in the door."
"Well, I'm sorry but, I wasn't really counting on being noticed tonight."
"Any particular reason?"
"I...well."
"Listen it's rare I notice anyone who comes in this place. And I'm here a lot."
"Really, interesting."
Finishing the drink, Dixie felt herself finally start to settle down, and getting a better look at the man at her right decided it wouldn't hurt just talking to him. At least it would be a distraction from things, from everything.

[JR Chandler]

JR had just arrived at Confusion where he was supposed to be meeting someone who was thinking about investing some money in Chandler Enterprises. Just as he walked inside his cell phone rang. He answered it and listened to the voice of his assistant from the office. "So he's not coming at all...fine...fine, yeah, make sure that you reschedule the meeting...I'm not coming back to the office today I'll probably just go home...yeah, thanks" He said sighing as he hung up the phone.

JR was a bit frustrated at having come here for what now appeared to be no reason, and was about to leave when he saw his mother sitting at the bar. He smiled, about to head over to see her, when his smile quickly faded. His eyes went to the drink in her hands. It wasn't a water, or a soda, or juice, but rather a martini. On top of that she was talking to some jerk of a guy (or so he assumed) who was obviously trying to pick her up. He knew with Tad gone things were tough for her, but she couldn't drink anymore than he could, and she didn't need to be picking up strangers in a bar.

JR went to the other side of bar and ordered a scotch on the rocks, figuring it was time to give her a taste of her own medicine, but first he'd get rid of the guy. JR picked up his drink and headed around the bar coming up behind Dixie and put his arm around her, staring over the guy as he kissed his mom on the cheek. "Sorry I'm late honey, hope I didn't keep you waiting too long..." He saw the other guy start to get nervous as he picked up his own drink and headed away, mumbling something about not knowing she was with someone.

Once he was gone JR pulled his arm back and took the other guys seat. "You know if anyone deserves to be your drinking buddy, I think it's me"

[Dix C. Martin]

One quickly consumed martini later, and the alcohol was starting to go to Dixie's head. For the drink being bright pink it was strong and she hadn't eaten much before coming here. That along with her conditions were starting to take their toll. In the meantime her adoring fan, who hadn't quit schmoozing her since he sat down, was set to get her a refill.
"C'mon what's one more going to hurt, after all I'm footing the bill."
"No, I'm..I'm fine.", she said softly, biting her lip as she went to put her jacket back on, but an arm reached out to stop her.
"Well you didn't look it earlier, and you don't look it now. What happened? Some fool go and break your heart?", the man asked, placing his hand on Dixie's.

Briefly she smiled, trying to pretend that the larger hand on her's was Tad's. Not really thinking about how the scene looked to anyone else in the bar.

Then though she snapped from her daze when she felt an arm around her and a kiss on her cheek. Startled, she turned to see J.R. Too thrown off guard to keep up with his ruse, Dixie blankly nodded as the 40 something took off.

After J.R sat beside her, her jaw still on the ground she shook her head to get her thoughts clear.
"J.R, what..how did you?"
Realizing then he had a drink in his hand Dixie's eyes flashed, then clouded over after she glanced at her empty glass. Realizing what he was getting at, guilt set in. But the liquor and her emotional/worn out state also put her on the defensive.
"I don't need a, drinking buddy.", she snapped.
"All, I had was, one. One drink that looks like, Kathy's favorite kool-aid. I'll..I'll be fine."
Sniffing a bit she crossed her arms, but knew J.R was unconvinced.
"I'll be fine.", she repeated. Maybe if she said it twice she'd believe it.

[JR Chandler]

"Oh, just one drink?" JR said, playing along with her and giving her a nod as if he agreed with her that she'd be fine with just one. "You're right, what does one drink hurt. You know, I think I'll be fine with just this one too...like you said its just one..."

JR picked up the glass and swirled the alcohol around a little, watching it before lifting it closer to breathe in the strong smell of the liquor. Though he knew he was doing this for his mom's sake, the drink did still smell good, and he knew it would taste even better. What he wouldn't give to just give in to it... "Or does it need to look like kool-aid to be okay...cause really I can drink anything, I mean its not like I'm the one with one kidney and heart problems..you know maybe one of each just to be sure, but just one, I'll be fine"

[Dix C. Martin]

When J.R started mocking her, saying it was fine for him to have one drink so long as it was fine for her, Dixie shot him a glare. The way her son looked at the glass was scaring her, and his going this far to prove a point upset her.
Watching his picking up the glass, eying it, when he looked ready to sip from it she snatched it from his hand, slamming it onto the bar.
"Alright! You made your point!", she yelled.
"Whoa..easy.", the bartender frowned as Dixie turned her glare toward him.
Once he backed away she turned her attention back to J.R.

"So what, you come here to give me a taste of my own medicine or something?", she accused, remembering the show she put on for J.R awhile back with the bottle. And remembering how much it hurt her to see him getting drunk, how fearful he was at the idea of her drinking, left Dixie feeling lower than dirt.

"I must look like such a hypocrite. You should've just told me so that day and walked away."
Ashamed, her elbow resting on the bar she did a face-palm.
"I didn't come here tonight for strictly this though. This just..happened. But it won't again, okay? I promise.", she assured, turning slightly to look at J.R, apology in her eyes.

His coming here had been a reality check she didn't necessarily want but knew deep down she needed. She shouldn't be here. Bars and booze led to her getting belligerent with people just trying to help her, her bringing home guys she had no business saying hello to, and bringing courts and custody of her kids into things. She realized this in her 20's so why she needed to relearn it? Dixie didn't know. But she did know her getting angry and defensive about it now, would just get her feeling guiltier and angrier later and push her to do worse. Dig her a hole she'd fallen in too many times before. She couldn't afford to get depressed and go off the rails again, not when she had her kids to take care of. But tonight had been rough and oddly enough Confusion was the only place she wanted to be. Just not for the obvious reasons.

"You know, when I got back to Pine Valley, after Uncle Palmer and his doctors took care of me..this was my first stop. I just, I dunno...it felt like fate was screaming at me that I had to go inside, just for a second."
A soft smile on her face, Dixie continued.

"I walked in and it was kind of crowded but, I saw him. I saw Tad. He was sitting at this spot at the bar and he turned around and saw me. Next thing I knew he was holding me, when I..almost passed out.", she weakly laughed.
"It was four years ago. Can you believe it? Four years ago today as a matter of fact. Last year we stopped in here and told the bartender it was our anniversary. Tad went and bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar. Said we had good reasons to celebrate. Wish I knew what they were now.",

Dixie said mournfully, tracing the rim of her empty glass with her fingertip.
"I'm sorry, I have no right to be dumping all of this on you. None at all."