Explanation (Dixie)

[Babe Carey]

Ever since Josh and Babe had returned to Pine Valley, Babe had alot of explaining to do to people, espicially to her son AJ, but their was one person who she owed an explanation to, and that was Dixie Martin. Babe didn't fake her death, but she didn't tell anyone either that she was alive, and she knew that Dixie knew all too well about that, and she was hoping that Dixie would understand somewhat on why she did what she did. Babe had let Josh go over to his mother, Erica to talk with her about some things, and Babe decided that this was the perfect timing to go over to Dixie, and talk with her. She didn't know if Dixie had heard of her being alive yet, but she needed to speak with her. Where they were staying was only a few blocks away from Dixie and Tad's place, so Babe just took a stroll down the sidewalk, and enjoyed the sun shine of the day as well.

She was wearing a simple blue t-shirt, blue jeans, and some tennis shoes. She then stopped, and looked over to see on the mailbox that had the named The Martins on it. She then looked to the house, and made her way over to the front door of their home, and rang the doorbell. She was anxious, and her stomach were in a bunch of knots. She hoped that it would take Dixie awhile to open the door, because she was nervous, and she didn't know how Dixie was going to react, but she only hoped that she would be kind and gentle towards her.

[Dix C. Martin]

With the kids still at their grandparents after spending the night there, Dixie had the morning to herself and had kicked back in a bubble bath before giving herself a manicure and just taking some time for herself. After settling on a pair of jeans and a thin hooded sweater as an outfit, she was set to curl up with a good book before she heard someone at the door.
"Hmmm.."
Not expecting company she combed her fingers through her hair a bit to foof it, then went to the foyer and opened to the door. To her surprise, yet not to her surprise given what David had told her, she saw a familiar face and sighed.
"So..it's really true."
She sighed, and gave the younger blond a weary smile.
"C'mon in."
Stepping aside she led her into the foyer, but had a feeling the way she was reacting had thrown Babe a bit. Leading Dixie to explain.
"If you're wondering why I'm not in total shock, David stopped by and left me with some suspicions about things. Had a feeling you'd be by sooner than later to confirm them."

Walking to the sofa, she nodded for Babe to sit before doing the same.
"So...clearly you have some things you want to tell me. Go ahead. I'm listening."
Dixie said solemnly, sitting back and crossing her arms. She wasn't trying to be standoffish or insensitive. But at the same time this wasn't the first conversation like this she'd had with Babe. And now there was so much negative surrounding her thanks to David, and Josh, not to mention the timing of her return. She could see clear as day J.R's heart being smashed to pieces, again, because of his leaving his heart with this woman only for her to leave it, again. And it wasn't something Dixie was taking lightly.

[Babe Carey]

"Dixie, I know what you must be thinking about me. I didn't fake my death like you probably think that I did, but my father took me far away, and helped me recover. For a long time, I was unable to take care of myself, but with...my dad's help he got me through it. When I made my full recovery, I began to make my way back to Pine Valley for my family, but something happened along the way" Babe said as she then sat down on the sofa, right next to Dixie, and looked over to her.

"I ran into Josh Madden, a man who I thought was dead, but he was hiding out from the law. Josh has been there for me, when I needed a friend, and although he was at times obsessive over me, I considered him a good friend, and I wanted to help him. As things began to progress, I began to have feelings for Josh, and I don't know how to explain this, but I quickly fell inlove with him. I knew then, as more time went on, that I couldn't come back to Pine Valley, because I needed to stay with Josh." Babe said as her lips were quivering, and her hand was shaking a little from being so nervous, on how Dixie was going to react.

"It wasn't until David blew our cover, and invited Erica, and my momma up to the cabin that we were staying in, that Josh decided it was time to come home, and face the cold hard facts, and let Jackson help him get out of the criminal charges that he was facing. Whether those charges get dropped or not, I don't know, but what I do know, is that I love my son very much, and I love Josh." Babe said as she wiped a falling tear that was strolling down her face. "I know that JR is going to be devesatated when he finds out, but I need to face him, and tell him everything"

[Dix C. Martin]

Hearing Babe say that she'd fallen in love with Josh, Dixie's eyes went stony. And when she said she wanted to tell J.R everything, they narrowed in a glare. At that moment she was regretting even letting the blond in her house.
She'd watched Babe and Josh's affair push her son to the bottle and into a hospital bed, and couldn't do a thing to stop it then. But now she could do something. There was no way that she'd watch her son take this shock again, one that surely would send him into a downward spiral. He was in enough hell as it was.
Uncrossing her arms she shifted closer to Babe and stared straight at her, speaking in a calm, steady but deadly serious tone of voice.

"I am sorry for what you went through, Babe. With your being sick, your long recovery. I know all too well how difficult that is, especially when you're kept from the people you love. I don't fault you for turning to Josh. I can even understand why it happened.
What I don't understand is why you're here, talking with me right now, wanting to talk to J.R. You've made it clear Josh is the man you want, that the only reason you want anything to do with my son is my grandson. Wouldn't it be easier, rather than facing J.R to just run away with A.J, raise him with your lover? After all, it's not like it's out of the realm of possibility with you!"

Dixie scoffed, knowing she'd struck a nerve but not caring. Babe's feelings weren't her concern, J.R was.
"Oh, of course there's J.R and how much he loves A.J. But..when have his feelings, his heart, ever mattered enough to you to stand in your way? It seems you have no problem rocking his world with this news of your being back, with another man no less. Why not just twist the knife in further? Run off with his child, tear my boy completely apart! Again!"
Growing angrier as she spoke, Dixie's voice was low but her emotions were very high. Getting up she paced for a few moments before turning back to Babe.

"I don't know what you think you'll accomplish sharing this story with J.R. You know as well as I do that news like this from you would destroy him. And you don't know how much he's had to endure the past year, you have no idea!"
Sitting forward on the arm chair across the way, Dixie sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair.
"Just to get you up to speed, right now J.R is fighting for his life, Babe. He needs support, and love and stability, people he can depend on, that he can trust. You haven't been that for him in quite some time. I know you have your reasons, and I can't hold them against you. But I will hold it against you if you confront him with this news. It is the last thing he needs, especially right now. So instead of thinking of yourself, think about him. How he can and probably will react when he hears this."
The blond said firmly, meaning everything she said.

[Babe Carey]

"You know, I thought that you of all people would understand where I was coming from, but your just like everyone else. You know what it is like to leave your son willingly, and then when you were trying to get back home, tragedy struck, and everyone thought you had died in that car crash in Switzerland, but even when you got better, you didn't come home right away. You let your family think that you were dead, and even when you did come home, you kept youself hidden from your own son, and from Tad, so do not sit there in judgement over me!" Babe's voice raised a litte, as she stood up and looked down to the woman.

"Atleast, I want to confront JR, and tell him the truth! If I remember correctly, JR was the one who found out that you were alive the first time, while you were at the bar, having a drink! Everyone tips toes around you, because they think that you will break like glass Dixie, but I am not afraid to call you out on your crap." Babe's voice lowered a little bit. She was ticked off, and she needed Dixie to understand that she needed to tell JR everything.

"And JR deserves to know the truth. I am sorry that he is fighting for his life, but I am not going to take AJ away from him. JR has been there for his son all this time, and I haven't been" Babe said truthfully. "I am staying here in Pine Valley, whether you like it or not Dixie, and if you don't like it, you can get over it real quick." she said calming down some more. She didn't want to end this conversation on a bad note, so she sat back down, and looked over to Dixie once more.

"Look, I am sorry for the things that I just said, but you know as well as I do, that JR deserves the truth from me, and noone else. Hate me Dixie if you need too, but I am telling JR the truth"

[Dix C. Martin]

After Babe stood up to her, in every sense of the word, Dixie's eyes narrowed into icy slits. But calmly she waited for her to finish and sit back down.
"I know exactly what I did to hurt the people that I love. I know I made horrible decisions, and despite being forgiven for them, they'll haunt me til the day I die. You can call me out on anything you like, I deserve it. But know this, understand this."
She demanded.

"No matter what you say J.R has done nothing to deserve this truth from you. Not when it won't do anything but put him through hell and ease your conscience. Make you feel like it's alright to be with the man you love. Do you not realize the damage that that will do?
Think about it. You walk into the Chandler mansion and tell J.R, tell A.J the reason they've mourned you isn't just because you were recovering, or forced to stay away, it's that you fell in love and are in a relationship with another man. And before you throw that detail in my face, it's not just a useless infatuation or a short lived fling like me with Zach or me with Ian.
No, you're in love, with Josh. You think that J.R is going to be forgiving learning that? That the wife he loved and lost stayed away to be with a man he hates? And that her plans once she returned to town didn't include him, or repairing their marriage for their son?
And what about A.J? He's not the Little Adam you left behind, Babe. He's had to grow up a lot since he lost you. And now he's grown enough to understand his mother chose a life with another man, over a life with him and the father he loves. At least when I was with David eventually I made the right choice, to put my son's happiness over my own. Can I say the same of you?
Both of them aren't just going to be angry, Babe. By you coming back to them with Josh on your arm, you're not even giving them hope for a happy life with you. You may as well be dying on them all over again. That's how much you telling them this is going to break their hearts.
And it won't cushion the blow any by telling them sooner. You think that's handling it in a noble way but honey, there's no way to be noble about this. It's still pain, it's still betrayal. And compare your notes with mine all you like but yours is still going to be worse.
At least my secrets and betrayal had a silver lining, it had some hope I could give. In spite of everything I'd done, at least if I looked and prayed hard enough one day I could give Tad and J.R a little girl for them to love. That was my goal, my only one.
But it seems to me, you have no goal regarding J.R and A.J's happiness, your only goal here is to get your own.
And I'm sorry Babe, but as of now I have no interest in your happiness. Not when it comes at the expense of my boys. Hate me all you want, but over my dead body are you going to get away with this. I'm warning you, leave my son and my grandson alone."
The older blond hissed, hoping Babe got the message.

[Babe Carey]

Babe listened to everything Dixie had to say. Some points she did agree on, but other points not so much. "I will agree Dixie, that JR and AJ do not deserve any of this, and believe me, if some girl had done this to my son, then I would be saying the same thing that you are, but lets get one thing straight here, alright? AJ is my son, and if I want to tell him that I am alive, then I will do so, because he is MY son!" she said, putting her point on the word my so clearly to her. "It is not like, I walked away voluntarily. Their are things that happened that I could not control, Dixie" Babe said, trying to explain herself to her.

"I understand that you are trying to protect JR, and your grandson, which is why I am trying to respect how you feel, but noone, not even you warns me to leave my son alone, do you understand me?" Babe said, as she tried to make herself loud and clear. "Like, I was trying to say, you of all people have no right to point fingers at me, and I am sorry, but I don't see how you can say that what I am doing is worse than what you did. You walked away willingly to begin with and went to a different country, for whatever reason, and I don't care Dixie, and you left your son, and yes even though you was coming back, things happened that were out of your control, just like what happened to me" Babe said as she looked towards the window.

"The way I look at it, is your are no better than me. You had to explain to Tad everything, and it wasn't easy, but you did it, and in someway, I know that it had to ease some of your conscious to get that off your chest, and me confronting JR and telling him the truth, has nothing to do to ease my conscious to be with Josh, but everything to do with what is right, but I will atleast not give JR the details and I certianly won't tell my son AJ, but they have a right to know that I am alive, espicially my son" Babe said as she stood up.

"But think about this..you now know about me and Josh. Are you going to lie to JR about everything, because keeping this from him, is the same thing, and you know it, but then again it's not the first time you have lied to your son now is it?" Babe said, knowing that Dixie didn't like that comment. "So, I will keep this from him, but the question is, can you lie to your own son, Dixie, when you know the truth about me and Josh?" Babe asked, as she crossed her arms, and looked down to the woman.

[Dix C. Martin]

"You're right, Babe. A.J is your son. But he and I have at least one thing in common. We both love J.R and we always will. Can I say the same of you? Things may have happened that you couldn't control..but one thing you controlled was J.R's heart. No matter what crap you pulled or roped others into pulling for you, J.R still loved you, he was
on your side. He cared about you deeply and for awhile I thought it was to his benefit. I see now though I couldn't have been more wrong. Don't even bother trying to respect me or my feelings. It's clear you don't give a damn about anyone's but your own."
Dixie spat.
"I may not be able to keep you from A.J, but thank God he has me and Tad and Adam, and the new woman in J.R's life, to be there when you turn his life upside down. As if he hasn't endured enough."
She said with a disapproving look at Babe, that turned more disapproving when she made the finger pointing comment.

"Honey I may not like to point fingers but I sure as hell will when it's warranted. You think you can stand there and make me out to be as selfish and self serving as you?
In case you forgot my reason for leaving was my family, my daughter. I lost control but at least once I got it back, my priority was making my family whole, getting back Kate. Don't get me wrong, I made plenty of wrong choices, horrible decisions, but looking back at the time, in my mind I did them for the right reasons. All those years, in my heart, my family came first.
You though missy, are doing the "right thing" for the wrong reasons. You're doing all this right now, for you. You get control back and it's all about 'want'. You wanting Josh, wanting A.J back in your life. Take it from me, when you're at this much of a disadvantage the last thing you should be focusing on is your "wants"..Babe. Of course what should I expect given your history. As I said, all you care about is yourself."

When Babe made the comment about doing the right thing, not sharing the details, and then making her out to be the liar, all Dixie could do was shake her head. Getting to her feet she chuckled darkly, more amused than anything.

"Oh Babe..Babe! What a classic Carey move. You come to me preaching about how J.R needs to know the truth, that you need to do the right thing. Yet you're willing to keep details from him, and now lie to him, because you think you manipulated some
sucker into doing your dirty work for you. Well let me tell you something, I'm no sucker. So uncross those arms before I smack that smug look off your face."
Dixie threatened.
"You treat my son, his life, his heart, like a toy you can play around with when you feel like it. Well I'm tired of it, along with your lies and tricky little games. And I'm not gonna play anymore. I'm not gonna do a damn thing with what you just told me, unless I'm asked. If J.R comes to me asking about you I'll tell him all the details I know. And then I'll hug him, tell him I love him, and if he asks me to I'll tell him how I feel. And he listens, to me."
The older blond reminded with a gleam in her eyes.
"Know that this time around I won't lift a finger to defend you. You've made your intentions perfectly clear, especially where J.R is concerned. I'm not gonna fight or try and change what's gonna happen. I'm just gonna wait and be there when it does happen. And I can only hope, that J.R and A.J will get all the love and happiness that they deserve. As for you, I hope you just get what you deserve."
Dixie said resolutely. Refusing to buy into this craziness anymore and hoping Babe got the message.