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Post by Dix C. Martin on Jul 31, 2011 18:57:55 GMT -5
Ever since the flare-up between her and J.R at the Yacht Club, Dixie had been on edge about things with her and her son. That fight was the first one they'd had since she'd come home, and she couldn't get it out of her head. At the 4th of July picnic they'd seen eachother and things had been calmer but still awkward, and she just wanted to put the tension behind them for good. She'd called the mansion and Winifred had told her J.R had gone to the office for the afternoon. Hearing that bothered Dixie, but if she wanted to see her son and to mend fences, she'd have to force herself to be cool with things, and trust J.R would only take on what he could handle. Kathy was at camp and the twins were with their grandparents, so after her shift at the hospital was through Dixie drove over to Chandler, checking in at the front desk to make sure J.R wasn't in a meeting or anything. Learning he was free, she got on the elevator and got off on the floor of the boardroom. Glad she'd planned ahead and worn an ironed blouse and skirt after seeing all the suits with their nicely dressed secretaries. Even though the frantic pace everyone seemed to be going at, made Dixie relieved she'd refused Palmer's countless offers for her to work at Cortlandt E. The corporate life wasn't for her, even though it seemed to fit her firstborn like a glove.
Knocking on the boardroom door, she patiently waited, hoping that J.R would be alright seeing her on the other side of it.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 2, 2011 14:31:10 GMT -5
Only hours ago JR's world had collapsed from yet another side. It was feeling like there was barely anything left there to hold him up, but the only thing that was still keeping him going was anger. He hated his father for selling the company and he would be damned if he let him get away with this. Whether he had to convince Greenlee to sell the company back to him or build the company over from scratch, JR knew that he would create something to leave to his son. He had to.
When he head the knock on the door of the boardroom he knew he didnt want to see anyone. If it was Adam coming back, he'd tell him to go to hell. Any of the employees there he didnt want to see until he had answers and could be a leader to them. "Go away!" He yelled at the door.
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 2, 2011 15:51:05 GMT -5
Hearing J.R bark from inside the boardroom, Dixie frowned, hoping she was just imagining him being in that bad a mood. "J.R?!" She called, knocking on the door again. Not getting a response, ignoring his wishes she opened the door a crack and poked her head in. "Hey...is it safe?" Dixie weakly joked. But entering the boardroom her face went solemn, seeing the clearly upset look on her son's. He looked exhausted, bitter, and mad at the world as he sat behind his desk, and naturally it left her concerned and wanting to know why. But not sure if he was up for talking about what was wrong or not, she decided to hold off on the questioning and rather, reached in her purse for a present/peace offering. "Well, I may not be sure what's got you in this charming mood but, I'm pretty sure these can only help." She smiled, handing him a plastic wrapped plate of chocolate chip cookies. And when he didn't throw them, she felt it was safe to take a seat. "I just stopped by to, well first off keep your blood sugar up. And, to apologize. I'm sorry I went off on you at that lunch and then took off. Even if I was upset, you didn't need that drama from me. Especially with, Marissa there. I feel even worse about that. I should've just, kept it together and kept from embarrassing us both. But I didn't. And I'm sorry." Dixie said sincerely. Hoping that J.R would A) forgive her and B) tell her what was clearly eating at him, otherwise she'd be just as mad at the world.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 2, 2011 17:41:22 GMT -5
JR was surprised to hear his mother's voice on the other end of the door. What was she doing here at Chandler. He knew he didn't have any plans with her today, since they hadn't spoken since the incident between them at the yacht club. But as he watched her slowly walk in he wondered if this wasn't connected to what happened earlier today. His mother had wanted him to cut back on work, maybe she had worked with Adam to come up with this idea to force him out of the business so he'd take a break. Now she could just be here to see that her plan worked smoothly.
When she brought out the chocolate chip cookies he couldn't decide if she really was being nice, or just trying to bribe him to forgive her for going along with Adam's plan. "Thanks..." He muttered quietly, taking the cookies from her listening to her apologize.
"Is that all you have to apologize for? " JR questioned her, trying to read her face to know if she knew ahead of time. "Or are you really here to gloat after scheming with my father"
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 2, 2011 18:20:55 GMT -5
"You're welcome." Dixie smiled. Even though he was muttering at her, which she never cared for, she hoped if she kept in good spirits it would rub off on J.R, and he'd open up about what was bothering him. Then though he gave her a suspicious look and asked her the strangest possible thing. "I...yes?!" Dixie answered nervously, confusion in her eyes. What was going on? The way J.R was staring at her you'd think the cookies she'd given him were laced with V-tak. Hearing his question though, the blond stared blankly, positive she'd heard him incorrectly. "I'm sorry...um, wow, my hearing must've just, gone, then. What did you just ask me?" She chuckled, not because she was amused, just in total disbelief. This had to have been a joke, not a funny one, but still a joke. There was no way that anyone who ever knew her, would accuse her of plotting with Adam Chandler, and gloating about it after. Especially her oldest son.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 3, 2011 9:36:40 GMT -5
"Yeah, I would've thought it was ridiculous to think you and Adam Chandler would agree on anything much less work together for it, but who knew that taking away one of the few things your son has to hold on to right now would be something that brought you two together and created a truce" JR told his mother, sure that the two of them had collaborated on this. His mother had told him earlier that he should cut back on his work, and then his father took it to the extreme of making it impossible for him to work anymore. It only made sense that they had discussed it and come to the conclusion together.
"You wanted me to stop working, take it easy....well apparently you weren't the only one" JR said feeling angry at the world and feeling as though no one was on his side anymore, not even his parents. "Tell me...whose idea was it to get rid of the company altogether? Did you tell my father to sell it? Maybe you didnt want me working there, but that was AJ's birthright, he should've had that choice to take the company or let it go"
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 4, 2011 0:51:53 GMT -5
Realizing as J.R spoke he wasn't kidding around at all, Dixie's expression went from disbelieving to horrified and lost. She hadn't conspired with Adam about anything. They'd agreed to be civil for J.R's sake but hadn't teamed up to take anything away from him. Unless Adam did something that was classic Adam and dragged her down with him. Dixie wouldn't put a slick move like that past him. But what could he have done to make their son turn on her like this?
"Sunshine...I..I had nothing to do with, whatever Adam's done, I..what did he do?!" As she tried to figure things out, J.R kept talking, throwing accusations at her she didn't understand. Until he clued her in to things and she didn't know how to react.
"He sold the..." Trailing off, Dixie heard his last question and tried to process what he'd been telling her. Then once she had, she went from stunned to feeling slapped. As far as insults went this one took the cake. Her son was convinced she'd stooped to Adam's level, worse yet that she'd been the mastermind behind one of his decisions. She knew she had to clear things up but the fact that she had to broke her heart.
Biting her lip she met J.R's gaze, shaking her head slowly before she spoke. "J.R...I had nothing to do with Adam's decision to sell Chandler Enterprises. Just because I wanted you to focus on your health didn't mean I wanted the legacy you've built just, yanked out from under you! Even if I hated you working here, which I don't...even if I think there's so much more to you than a business, which I always have...it's obvious Chandler is a part of your life and you want it to be a part of A.J's. Knowing that it means that much to you, to your son...do you honestly believe I'd try and take it away? Worse yet do so with Adam's help? Y...you really think I'm capable of that?" Dixie asked, her voice cracking as she spoke, feeling frantic and just plain desperate. She had to know if J.R believed her or not, and was worried sick he still doubted her.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 5, 2011 17:40:54 GMT -5
JR wanted to believe his mother, despite the fact that his anger also made him want to blame the world for all his problems right now. But he did want to have someone that wasn't going against him right now when everything else seemed to be turning. She honestly did seem surprised at what Adam had done, selling off the company. He could hear the pain in her voice as she repeated his accusation, asking him if he really thought she was capable of that. Normally he would never have even thought a thing, but their last conversation hadn't exactly been civil, and his emotions right now weren't exactly stable either.
"No..." JR finally said with a sigh. "Its not something I think you'd do, you've never been the controlling parent" He admitted. "But can you really say there's not a part of you that hearing this isn't happy it happened? It's what you wanted afterall, me not working as much...except its not going to work that way, because now I have to work ten times as hard to get back what was mine"
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 5, 2011 23:03:02 GMT -5
When J.R sighed and said she didn't seem the controlling type, Dixie relaxed but still was stung over what he'd accused her of. She couldn't blame him for lashing out, even for thinking the worst of her given how she'd hurt him in the past, but him saying the words still hurt to hear. Even though, clearly J.R was hurt just as much over all this, and she had to push her feelings down to be there for her boy. "Yes, I really can. I mean if you're not happy how do you expect me to be?" Dixie sighed, giving J.R a sad, soft and sympathetic smile before speaking. "I don't agree, at all, with what Adam did. In fact I think it's one of the worst, most underhanded stunts he's ever pulled. Whatever his intentions were, he didn't think about the impact this would have on your life..right now, let alone how much it would stress you out and hurt you! God..I swear that man." Taking a deep breath to keep from cursing him, she ran a hand through her hair, but wished she could use it to strangle her ex. "But...just because I hate what your father did, doesn't mean my feelings from before have changed. Of anything they've gotten even stronger. Honey I've said from the minute this all started that I want you focusing on one thing. Fighting this cancer. I walk in this door though, and all I see is you fighting your father, fighting for this business, fighting me!" Dixie sighed sadly. "You're fighting so many battles baby..and I'm scared if you keep on like this, you're not gonna have enough fight for what you need it for the most." She admitted. "I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me. If you go to the mat with Adam on this, if you decide to fight for Chandler..are you up for, the stress, the long hours, meetings and everything, physically? Are you still going to treatment, are you doing everything you possibly can to beat this cancer?" Dixie asked, needing to know the truth one way or the other.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 10, 2011 11:31:12 GMT -5
"Well I wasn't happy when I thought you were dead either, but that didnt stop you from letting me believe it" JR snapped back. As soon as he said it he knew it was a low blow, especially since the last time that she came back she said she hadn't stayed away, but come as soon as she was able. He was just hurting so much now, and had been hurt so much in the past that he didn't know how else to deal with it other than lashing out at others and maybe making them feel as crappy as he did. But still he knew that he shouldn't have brought this up now and shook his head saying quitely "I'm Sorry..."
JR appreciated the fact that his mother said she didnt agree with what his father did. She seemed to understand how much it had hurt him and that no matter what the reason it was the wrong thing to do. He could feel the scratching at the back of his throat again and didnt want to get into another coughing fit in front of her, he poured himself a glass of water and took a sip try to subside it as he listened to her.
"I have to fight for Chandler mom...its not a choice. I need to have accomplished something in my life...have something to leave to AJ" He told her but at the same time wanting to be honest with her, he had said enough nasty things to her today to owe her some honesty. "But honestly...I'm tired....emotionally and physically. But... I can't let Adam win...I didn't mess up this time, I didn't deserve this taken now" He said knowing in the past he probably would have deserved this. As he let himself become vulnerable the physical signs showed too as he started coughing hard, it hurt his ribs to cough but he had accepted that pain, just not the pain from his father's actions. When he stopped coughing he looked up to his mother, seeing the worry in her eyes and knowing she loved him. "I was supposed to go for treatment today, but I cancelled the appointment when Dad wanted to meet with me...I cant start back up now, it'll make me too weak to get Chandler back....and look at me, I'm already getting worse. "
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 14, 2011 20:38:58 GMT -5
"I know.." Dixie sighed, dropping her head in shame when J.R threw her past in her face. She couldn't get angry with him for just speaking the truth, no matter how much it hurt to hear it. Glancing up when he apologized and sipped some water, she felt a bit better until he started coughing and tears filled her eyes. Then hearing what he had to say just made her all the more teary eyed and angry. This was the situation she'd been praying to avoid. Waiting for J.R to finish speaking, Dixie tried to come up with the best way to argue back.
"J.R you're right, you didn't deserve this. Chandler was a bond forged between you and your father, and him taking it away, it's like he took away what kept you two connected. If Adam had risked his life to give the business to you it would be seen as a grand gesture of love, because the business means more to him than anything. The same can't be said for you though. You care about Chandler deeply but no matter what you think, it isn't all you are! What keeps you and A.J linked isn't a business! Believe it or not you have accomplished something that isn't corporate, J.R. You're a good father. You're not just a titan with a corner office to your son. You're the dad he plays soccer and video games with, that's taught him to make a perfect snowball. You're his rock. He doesn't have his mother, or someone like Tad who's loved him from the day he was born. He has you. And if he loses you, when he understands why he lost you...I bet anything he's gonna feel just as betrayed, just as broken..as you did when Adam dropped this bomb on you. Like his connection with you is gone, because of you. Because you weren't willing to fight for your life. Don't try to tell me fighting for Chandler isn't a choice. It is a choice J.R, and it's the wrong one." Dixie spat disapprovingly. "Don't tell me you're not strong enough or too far gone to go to treatment. If chemo makes you too weak to fight for a business who cares! It's fighting for something more important, to keep you with your son. Doesn't that, your life, matter to you more than a blessed company! One that A.J may not even want if he realizes it cost him you!"
She exclaimed, regretting her words right when she said them knowing they hurt. But she knew J.R and A.J were closer than J.R ever had been with Adam. And that the business wasn't the reason for any of it. In her eyes her grandson needed his dad more than a corporate legacy. And that J.R could give him that if he fought the cancer, instead of everything but.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 15, 2011 17:41:45 GMT -5
"Chandler was my birthright, mine and AJ's. Dad promised me that ever since i was a kid, its the only thing he's ever done for me and he took it away. He was never a good father, never there for me, but he gave me security in my future and for my son. I've taken AJ to work so many times, and told him it would be his. And I would have never made him work for it the way I had to, proving myself there, but now...there's nothing left to give him if i dont fight for it"
JR looked down as Dixie said that he was a good father, and could offer more to his son than the company. JR sometimes doubted whether that was true. He knew he loved AJ more than anything in the world, but he wondered if he had done right by his son. "What if he loses me either way...wouldnt it be better if he at least had my legacy"
"I care!" JR fought back as his mother asked him who cared if he was too weak to fight for a business if he was fighting for his life. "I can't lose something else in my life...and if AJ doesnt want it, he can sell it. Or Colby can take it...at least keep it in the family. Hell, even Scott would have been a better choice"
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 15, 2011 22:35:27 GMT -5
"Loses you either way..God!" Dixie sighed, covering her mouth as her voice broke and trailed off. Realizing right then and there her arguing this was useless. J.R's mind was made up and there was nothing she could do to change it, no matter what she said or did.
"You can't handle losing parts of your life..well now you know where you get from. Because I sure as hell can't handle losing you, J.R!" She cried, figuring by telling the truth she had nothing to lose. "I know I'm being selfish and self centered and that this is probably some, karma that I earned from the hell that I put you and Kate through. I know I should be stronger than this and be able to be there for you in every way, support any choice that you make. But right now, your giving up entirely on treatment like this, you're asking me to sit back and watch you die. And I can't do that, J.R. I...I can't." Dixie stammered. Taking a seat she wiped at her eyes and stared at the rug, trying to avoid a full on meltdown. "I..I didn't come out of a coma to bury my first child. I didn't fight so hard for my life just to see yours end. Don't tell me that I can move past something like that, that your legacy here and the one you've left with me, is going to be enough to keep me going." She choked out. "You asked me to be there for A.J if something should happen to you. H..how can I be there for your son, protect him, if I couldn't protect you? Protect you from all of this?" She asked, glancing up at J.R with tears streaming down her cheeks, feeling like she'd failed. Her son was slowly dying in front of her and she couldn't convince him to get help he needed. His mind was made up and Dixie didn't know what she could say or do to change it. She just knew she'd have to live with whatever decision he made, if she even could.
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Post by JR Chandler on Aug 21, 2011 14:57:09 GMT -5
JR could see his mother's pain as she talked about not being able to lose him. He could understand how she felt, knowing if something like this every happened to his son, he couldn't stand to even think about losing AJ. He knew it had to be hell for his mother to see him going through this. "You might have to learn how to handle losing me, because I dont have control over the cancer. " He said, hating to admit not having control over anything in his life.
"You'll be fine without me, you have Kathy and the twins. Children with Tad who I'm sure will turn out much better than your Chandler offspring" JR told her, feeling like even his death would end up just being a disappointment to her because he didnt do enough.
"You can't protect me from this mom. Just like I can't stop it from happening. I can't stop the cancer, I couldn't even stop my father from selling the business. I can't do anything right now but let other forces control my life and its killing me, inside and out" JR said in full defeat. Tears were in his eyes and his voice shook. " If it wouldn't scar AJ I probably would have just taken control back over from the cancer about how I leave this world...have some shred of dignity left before I'm just laying in a bed unable to do anything for the last weeks of my life...end it on my terms..."
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Post by Dix C. Martin on Aug 27, 2011 19:35:09 GMT -5
Hearing J.R admit he had no control over the cancer, Dixie's heart broke knowing he wouldn't admit to something like that unless it was without a doubt true. But when he said she'd be fine without him, she felt like the wind was knocked out of her. Listening to the rest of what he had to say, she was at a loss how to respond. But had to think of something, anything. Seeing him like this was killing her.
"First off, I want you to promise me something right now. I don't care if you think you're dying, I never want to hear you referring to yourself as 'Chandler offspring'. You're my son, J.R. I gave birth to you. There's just as much of my blood in your veins as there is Adam's. So when you insult yourself like that you insult me too! Remember that, and understand that I won't be fine losing you. Even if you're saying that to ease your conscience, feel less guilty for giving up, it's the furthest thing from true. And you know it!"
After yelling Dixie took a few deep breaths to calm down, then sighed sadly. "I admit though, one thing you said is understandable. You saying you want to die on your terms. It makes sense. You came into this world ready to live on your terms, nobody elses."
Sniffling, she smiled softly through her tears and squeezed J.R's hand. "The day you were born you were the one calling the shots, you know that? Coming weeks ahead of schedule. I was scared out of my wits and your father was going crazy. Said he'd call every specialist in the world to stop labor. Make sure everything went according to plan, his plan. But you had other ideas. I remember when they finally let me in to see you, you were in an incubator, hooked up to all these tubes. I was so worried but all the doctor's told me you'd be fine, that you were a fighter. Even when you came down with pneumonia! Nobody expected you'd survive that but you did, baby. Kidnappings, my and Tad's breakups, drugs, alcohol, death, all the pain everyone's ever caused you, mainly me. The list of all you've battled and beaten goes on and on, J.R. Which is why I can't accept you not surviving this. No matter how many times you try and tell me otherwise." She said, her stubbornness in overdrive.
"I can accept your fear. I understand it. When you lose control over your own life it's the scariest thing in the world. But that's when you become grateful that you're tough. That you're strong. That you've got people around who love you, who are going to protect you and your dignity, who would go to the ends of the earth for you. You have all of that, sunshine. You have support and reason to live. You know how many patients I've seen at the hospital who've had less than that, but made it past even worse diagnosis' than yours?" Dixie informed. Knowing from experience it was true. "You may not be able to stop the cancer alone. You may have to rely on more than what's gotten you through tough stuff in the past. And you may have to give a little of your control up to make room for some faith, some hope. Without hope you do die, J.R. I've said that ever since you were a little kid because it's true. I'm proof of that. I never doubted you had the strength to beat this cancer. Not once. Even right now I see some fight left in you so don't tell me you're too weak to fight or too scared to try. You just have to put everything you have inside you towards what matters most! And you still can! If you can stop, doubting how much Tad or I love you or how much A.J needs you, and start focusing on what you know deep down, right here." She said, and patted his heart before pulling him into a tight hug. "You're going to survive this. You understand? You're going to be okay."
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